Love Bombing: The Toxic Dating Tactic To Watch Out For

I’ve seen my friends get their hearts broken by this type more than I can count. I’ve also come across this type (albeit briefly) in my dating life which I have luckily avoided. When it comes to dating, like anything else, knowledge is power. Before I go any further, this is a generalized assessment. I’m by no means stating that all men or women who are like this are “players,” but I will say that in my experience and my friends personal experience this type has often been disingenuous. So, while you may find an exception or two, it’s wise at the very least to proceed with caution with this type of person.

So, let’s get to it. Who IS a love bomber? Well, he or she not the typical obvious “jerk” type you might be thinking of. It’s often the opposite. This person is overly involved and lays it on thick immediately. They shower you with compliments, woo you with romantic gestures, and may even drop the “L word” very quickly. They make a lot of promises about the future, talk marriage and babies quickly and act like the perfect dream partner. Sorry ladies (and gentleman), but this seemingly perfect lover is more than likely a fraud.

In reality, this behavior is aligned with sociopathic and narcissistic types. This type of person is impulsive and likely in the game of getting something out of you or looking to bed you quickly. They are also the most likely to disappear. They’re great at playing the courting game because they’re not truly emotionally involved, throwing out the “L word” and making huge promises about the future is easy because they know they aren’t actually going to follow through. The game is getting the person to fall in love with them and they’ve probably done it many times before.

Here’s the thing: most emotionally mature people who are genuinely falling in love are careful with their hearts. They aren’t going to show their cards all at once. This is not to say that there aren’t plenty of successful couples who fell in love quickly and stayed together, but for the most part, true lasting love is built over time through friendship and mutual respect -not instant grand gestures and lofty promises within a couple weeks of meeting each other.

When it comes to dating, take time to really get to know someone before putting your eggs in one basket. The reality is, no matter how great someone seems, you can’t possibly know someone fully within a few weeks. You’re in the “honeymoon” phase where everyone is on their best behavior, so proceed with caution if a potential partner immediately comes on too strong. Give the situation at least 6 months (preferably 1 year)  to unfold before you start making any long term decisions about someone. You will save yourself a lot of disappointment and heartbreak.

Molly Golightly is StyleFox’s resident, no-nonsense dating and love columnist. Once single, now settled, she spent a decade in New York City’s dating jungle and knows the singles scene inside and out. Doesn’t miss it.

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